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In my previous blog, I did not include prayer because safeguarding a church from a toxic culture and the abuse of power through prayer needs a blog of its own. Prayer is the power undergirding the transformation of a church culture from a toxic culture to a safe culture. Jesus told us , "...apart from me, you can do nothing." (John 15:5). When we pray, we must listen to how God responds to our prayers. God's intervention may be unconventional, so it's important not to put God in a box as it relates to how He wants to transform our churches. You may be praying that God "send someone," and God may be sending you. We all must be ready to respond to God's invitation like Isaiah, "Lord, here am I send me." (Isaiah 6:8). God may be inviting you to be courageous like David and fight the Goliath of toxicity and abuse of power in your church, or you could be called to be an Esther; you may be called to go and speak to the King: those who are in power with the same resolve of Esther, "If I perish, I perish." (Esther 4:16). Pray. But listen for the response because God might invite you to put some feet on your prayers and take action. Don't underestimate the power of fasting. Esther called a three-day fast (Esther 4:16), and Jesus even said when the disciples could not drive out a demon that some demons can only leave by prayer and fasting (Matthew 17:21). (Resource on Fasting) Gather your prayer warriors and intercessors and seek God about fasting and praying on behalf of your church. Seek God for: How many days is He calling you to fast, The type of fast that you should be on, Listen for the specific things that God would have you pray about. One of the church's most prevalent demonic spirits is the Jezebel spirit. The spirit of Jezebel's goal is to kill the prophets and hinder the message and the ministry that proclaims what the Truth is. If you discover that your church is being ruled by the Jezebel spirit, don't overlook that Jezebel did not function without Ahab, so if Jezebel is reigning, then so does the spirit of Ahab. Ahab is described as a King who did "more evil in the eyes of the Lord" than all who were before him" (1 King 16:30). In Cindy Trimm's book, The Rules of Engagement, she describes the spirit of Jezebel as "pious, puffed up with pride, and blatantly disregards delegated authority. It works contrary to the laws of spiritual protocol, refuses to submit, and instead rallies for the authority and influence that rightfully belongs to God's appointed leadership. It operates thru both males and females and appeals to the iniquity of the heart, often utilizing those overtaken by the spirit of Ahab to fulfill its wishes". She describes the spirit of Ahab as a person who "complies with wishes, commands, and directives given by those influenced or possessed by the spirit of Jezebel even when it goes against their own personal will and conviction. This spirit undermines a person's rights and authority and totally opens them to be disrespected and have their boundaries violated, be they territorial, personal, or psychological. This spirit is a doorkeeper, and its discretion opens doors to other principalities and strongholds." If you believe that the spirit of Ahab and Jezebel rules your church, I highly recommend you purchase the book by Cindy Trimm, The Rules of Engagement. When you pray, remember that you are not wrestling with flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12). And the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in pulling down strongholds (2 Cor. 10:4). The people and the persons who have the power to bring about the change are not your enemies. Nor are the leaders who are abusing their power. Those people have been deceived. They may be controlled by the spirit of Ahab, Jezebel, and or other demonic principalities that have overtaken them. How did this happen, you asked? At some point in their lives, they gave them permission to control their lives, perhaps through selfish, ambition, deception, indifference, pride, etc. You will need to stand in the gap for them. Don't just pray "against" the spirit of Ahab and Jezebel; you must also call forth the Spirit of Holiness to control their lives like the spirit of Truth and love and all of the other fruit of the spirit. Pray that they will renounce the authority that they have given to the spirit of Jezebel or Ahab in their lives. They will not be free from the spirit of Jezebel or Ahab without renouncing the authority they have given to that spirit. They need to revoke the permission of the spirit of Jezebel and Ahab in their lives. The scriptures say in Matthew 12:45 that "when a house is swept clean, seven more will come and overtake it," so don't just ask for those spirit's to be removed, but also ask God to fill those persons with the Spirit of God who can "stand up in them" and deliver them. (Side note) If you think you have the spirit of Jezebel or Ahab, click on the following prayer(s) and pray it out loud. Here is a prayer to overcome the spirit of Jezebel. Here is a prayer to overcome the spirit of Ahab Lastly, when you pray, ask God to search your own heart (Psalm 139:23). I also recommend that you pray Psalm 51 so that no root of bitterness (Hebrews 12:15) forms in your heart because if we have cherished sin in our heart, God will not listen (Ps. 66:18). Before you pray about anything concerning your church: Start by spending time confessing your sins. Name your sins specifically. Ask God to bring your sins to your mind and heart for you to confess. Confess them by saying, "Lord, I confess (agreeing with God that it is a sin and offensive to Him) that (name the sin) is sinful, and I repent. Ask for Forgiveness. Then receive the forgiveness that comes with confessing your sins (1 John 1:9). This should be your practice when praying about anything. Many prayers go unanswered because we are not coming to God with clean hands and a pure heart (Ps. 24:4, Isaiah 10:12, Isaiah 33:15-16, Micah 6:8). If you meet as a group, begin your prayer time with a confession. Give people time to confess sins out loud and or silently before spending time praying about the situation in your church. Then pray for your church etc.; some things to pray for are: that Truth will prevail, that every congregant and leader will walk in humility and that God will open up the blinded eyes, etc., I will conclude this blog with a prayer: O God, come to our assistance. O God, hurry to save us. O God, hasten to help us. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit; as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever. Amen.* *Harper, Steve. A Pocket Guide to Prayer, Deluxe Edition (p. 20). Upper Room. Kindle Edition.

Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre, praise him with timbrel and dancing, praise him with the strings and pipe, praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Psalm 150:1-6 Take some time this Saturday to worship. Turn off the TV, create a playlist of your favorite worship music, and listen to your favorite worship songs all day. Sing along, sing loud! Offer God your praise! He is worthy! Listen to the song's message and let it encourage and inspire you! Just Worship! Share this blog with anyone who needs to bust some stress! Don't forget to check out the RESOURCE page. Photo by Martin Sanchez on Unsplash

Take a pause to breathe - set a timer for 10 min. Simply breathe Inhale, and exhaleNotice any tension or pain in your body.. ask the Lord to relax you or to heal that area. Notice your thoughts... Release all that will distract you by simply saying silently or out loud "Lord, I releaseto you. "When the ten minutes is up, sit silently until you are fully present in this moment. Then........Read the scripture below 3x out loud or silently. Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in Spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:1-4 (NIV) “Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the misfits. Speak out for justice! Stand up for the poor and destitute! Proverbs 31:8-9 (The Message) Spend some time journaling and reflecting on the following questions: Read Philippians 2:1-4 3x out loud or silently. What word or phrase speaks to you? In what ways does your church community need to be one in Spirit and one in mind? How can you help to facilitate and cultivate this oneness? In what areas of your church community is selfish ambition and/or vain conceit being practiced? Where has pride crept into your church community? Who do you need to value above yourself in your church community? Who is being devalued in your church community? In what ways are you looking to your own interest rather than the interest of others in your church community? Read Proverbs 31:8-9 3x out loud or silently. What word or phrase speaks to you? For whom is God calling you to speak up in your church community? Are there unfair practices in your church community? Are there people who are being mistreated, abused, etc.? How is God calling you to speak out against injustice? How can you stand up for those who have no voice in your church community? Do not forget to check out the Resource page.

A Safe church is a "Spirit-formed, Christlike culture, ....nurtures truth, offers healing for the wounded, seeks opportunities to show redemptive grace and love, focuses on serving others (rather than being served), and looks for ways to establish justice in the daily paths of life. A Christlike church culture always has it's eyes on people because the mission of the church is all about God's redemptive love of people." Quote from the Book, A Church Called TOV, p.22 Power and fear-based church cultures are on the rise. We must take this seriously and put measures in place to safeguard our churches against this form of toxicity in the church. At least ten factors can begin to facilitate and cultivate a safe, non-toxic church culture. Click on the button below to get your Safe Church Checklist. This list can help you discern whether to stay in a church where you are a member, attend a church, or leave a particular church, and if you lead a church, it can help you to improve the church experience of your visitors and members. You can also use it to get information about a church you consider attending and/or joining. This checklist is preventative, therefore if your church already has a toxic culture and is experiencing abuse of power from leadership, using this checklist will not begin to facilitate or cultivate a change in your culture if there are currently no consequences for abuse of power and the leadership is unwilling to hold the leader(s) accountable. I am not taking clients until August; however, if you have questions about your Safe Church Checklist results, you can contact me via the chat on this website. Send your safe church checklist results to joycelyn@joycelynlewis.com Subject Line: Safe Church Checklist Results if you would like for me to add your church to the Safe Church List. I will be creating a safe church website where people can go and find out what churches are churches they can attend in their area. Click the file below to receive your Safe Church Checklist. Don't forget to check out our RESOURCES page.

"Everyone is in a process of spiritual formation. We are being shaped into either the wholeness of the image of Christ or a horribly destructive caricature of that image--destructive not only to ourselves but also to others, for we inflict our brokenness upon them . . . The direction of our spiritual growth infuses all we do with intimations of either Life or Death." Dr. Robert Mulholland Take a pause - set a timer for 10 min. simply breathe Inhale and exhale Notice any tension or pain in your body.. ask the Lord to relax you or to heal that area. Notice your thoughts.... Release all that will distract you by simply saying silently or out loud, "Lord, I releaseto you." When the ten min. is up, sit silently until you are fully present at this moment. Then.. Read the following scripture three times. What word or phrase speaks to you? Spend some time journaling about what God is revealing to you. Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 Spend some time reflecting on the following questions based on the quote above by Dr. Robert Mulholland: In what area(s) of your life are you being shaped into the wholeness of the image of God? In what area(s) of your life are you inflicting your brokenness onto others? Spend some time journaling and write a response to how God is inviting you to be a seamless manifestation of the fruit of the Spirit. Share this pause with others, and check out the resources page and my blog. Ignite the Church! Be ignited!

Read Judges 6 & 7 Watch this video by Priscilla Shirer, How to Win the Battle. Spend time journaling and reflecting on the following questions: In what area of your life are you in a battle(s)? In what area of your life does it seem that you can't win the battle(s)? What is God speaking to you through Gideon's story regarding your battle(s) When God gives us impossible tasks, He never leaves us empty-handed. We are equipped with every spiritual blessing to carry out all God has called us to do. But what amazes me most about God and His provision is that He is faithful to give us the confidence we need to do the impossible. He proves Himself in the little things so that we will trust Him in the big things. Alyssa Howard

"And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful." Colossians 3:15 Take some time this Saturday to relieve some stress. Today's stress buster is to take a walk. You can walk alone, or you can walk with a friend. As you are walking spend some time in gratitude. Gratitude always relieves stress. Look around you and consider how God is inviting you to be thankful. Think about why you are thankful for what He is revealing. You can even say out loud, "I am thankful for......because......." If you are walking with a friend, spend some time talking about what you are thankful for and sharing why you are thankful for what you have shared. Try not to spend time discussing topics that will make you feel stressed unless sharing with your friend will alleviate stress, but the purpose of this walk is to immerse yourself in gratitude. Share this blog with anyone who needs to bust some stress!

It seems that many believers are experiencing church homelessness. Church homelessness often occurs because of church hurt, spiritual abuse, the abuse of power, unfaithful leaders, and many other negative experiences in the church. Others find it challenging to find a safe place to worship when they move to other sites. It seems that church homelessness is becoming more and more pervasive. Photo by Daniel Tseng on Unsplash I want to make sure I start this blog by saying that there are no perfect churches. There will always be imperfections in the ministries, the leadership, the culture, and the people. However, a church was created to be a community that is a safe place for people to be nurtured and discipled. It's where Christians gather to learn about God, affirm one another's gifts, and use those gifts to serve others. Imperfections in the church should not come in the form of bullying, intimidation, slander, secrecy, and abuse of power. I think these churches are places you should stay away from and leave. The purpose of the church is to transform you into Christ. However, there must be a Christlike culture. If the culture is not Christlike, eventually, you become like that culture. Beware. Below you will find eight tips to guide you in choosing a church. This list is not exhaustive nor is it based on priority; it is just a few tips to consider. Tip #1 - Pray You cannot find a church without talking with the Lord. Jesus clearly said, "Apart from me, you can do nothing." (John 15:5). Pray daily about where God would lead you to grow as a disciple. Prayer is not just talking; spend time listening in silence and reading scripture. This will nurture your Spirit of discernment so that when you start visiting churches, you will be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit's guidance. Tip #2 - Do Not Select a Church Based on the Sunday Morning Worship Service I believe this is where many Christian disciples have made a mistake. They attend a church; the worship seems Spirit-filled, and the preaching is powerful and even biblical, so when the invitation to discipleship or membership is extended, a person joins the church without hesitation. A person should not join a church based on the Sunday Morning Worship Service. The Sunday morning worship services are just one of the components for selecting a church, but there are other vital components for choosing a church that is a safe place for you to grow into spiritual maturity. Attending church is more than just listening to a sermon or singing songs. It should connect you with other people and be a community where you can grow into a spiritually mature disciple. Therefore, choosing a church cannot be solely based on the Sunday morning worship, you must see if you can connect with others and find out what their process is for growing disciples. Tip #3 - Engage in the Ministry Activities This is important. Take some time to attend the ministry activities where you can observe how ministry is carried out, who the leaders are of those activities, and how people engage with one another. Suppose you go to multiple ministry activities and see the same people leading various ministries. In that case, this is something to note; either the church does not have many people serving, or leadership could only be selecting certain people to serve. While engaging in ministry activities, be discerning and listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Tip #4 - Talk with The Members of the Church I am a true introvert; I am not a person who is motivated to go to places where I will meet strangers and start a conversation. I do not like a superficial conversation, but I know that asking the deep things about life is not the best way to start a conversation with a stranger either, so when I am talking with someone at a church, I ask them to tell me their story about how they came to the church. I also ask them what they enjoy about the church and what things they would change or like to see done better. If people share what they enjoy, but no one shares what they would like to change, this could indicate an unwillingness to tell the truth or fear of telling the truth about the church. When you are talking with a person, don't just pay attention to the words that are being said; also pay attention to what is not being said, body language, etc.; these can all be queues that confirm it is the church where God is leading you, or that it is not the church where God is leading you. Tip #5 - Talk with The Leaders of the Church Read Tip # 4 for ideas on talking with the Deacons, Trustees, Elders, lay leaders, and staff. When talking with the leaders, you can ask about the leadership structure, how they would describe the church's culture, how leaders are selected, and whether or not there is regular leadership training. The church risks having spiritually immature leaders if leaders are not trained regularly. Spiritually immature leaders can fall prey to abuse of power. Remember to listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Tip #4 - What is the policy or protocol that protects membership and others from a leader who abuses their power? This is very important. Talk with some Deacons, Trustees, Elders, and lay leaders. It is essential to ask questions about the accountability of leadership. Questions like, "Who does a person go to if they have a problem/conflict with leadership, such as the Pastor, Deacon, Trustee, Elder, etc.?" If there is no policy or protocol for protecting the membership and others from an abusive leader, then that church can fall prey to abuse of power from leadership or already has fallen prey to an abusive leader. Ask about the protocol or process for accountability of leadership. Where there is no accountability, there is no protection for a person who has been harmed by a leader or someone in the congregation. Continue to pray as you discern what is revealed when you ask these questions. Tip #6 - Meet with The Pastor We live in a time when some Pastors are treated like celebrities. They are unreachable. Ask for a meeting with the Pastor. If you cannot meet with the Pastor, this gives you insight into the church's culture. Jesus always made himself available. If you are attending a Mega Church and it seems unrealistic to ask for a meeting with the Pastor, find out if they offer a reception where people can meet the Pastor. This is an area where you would need to discern your level of comfort and acceptance. If you can meet with the Pastor, go back to utilize tips #5 & #4. Tip #8 - Biblically Sound Preaching & Teaching Make attending ministry activities where the Bible is preached and taught the priority. Always take your Bible and a journal or notepad. Take notes. Ask yourself what style of preaching inspires you to grow. What kind of teaching motivates you to learn more? Don't make the person preaching or teaching the final authority on what the scriptures are being taught mean. If you have a question about a text, pray and study it for yourself, discern for yourself what God is saying through the text, then ask questions about the text. That person will either confirm what you've learned or give you a new perspective. When a person only relies on a preacher or a teacher to explain and expound on what a scriptural text means, they put themselves in a position to be misled and risk being harmed by the abuse of power. People can use scripture to make it say whatever they want; without discernment and without knowing how to rightly divide the Word of God for yourself, you can become easily misled. Study the Word for yourself. Tip #7 - How Would You Describe the Culture of the Church? After following tips #1-#7, you have had the opportunity to experience the church's culture. How would you describe it? Is it open, truthful, warm, and loving, does there seems to be secrecy, fear, weariness, frustration, etc.? Listen to God's direction as you discern the church's culture. Finding a church home can be difficult in some places; however, with these tips, my prayer is that God will lead you to a church that is a safe place for you to get connected in the community and grow into spiritual maturity. Get the PDF of this Article Here

We are called by God to function as the healthy body of Christ as we love, pray, and serve together in harmony. "You were called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so, stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness. But that doesn't mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift.." Ephesians 4:4-7 Take a pause to just breathe - set a timer for 10 min. simply breathe Inhale and exhale Notice any tension or pain in your body.. ask the Lord to relax you or to heal that area. Notice your thoughts.... Release all that will distract you by simply saying silently or out loud "Lord, I releaseto you." When the ten min. is up sit silently until you are fully present in this moment. Then........ Read the scripture above 3x out loud or silently. As you enter into the weekend, consider these reflection questions: 1. As you read the scripture, what word or phrase speaks to you about being in a community with others? 2. In what ways is your church community a safe place for others to grow? In what areas is your church community unhealthy? 2. Who are the people in your church community that help you become a mature believer? 3. How are you cultivating Oneness in your church community? 4. In what ways are you comparing yourself to others? 6. How are you reflecting your uniqueness through your gifts in your church? 5. In what ways are you moving toward your church community? In what ways are you moving away from your church community? Spend some time journaling, write down the word Community, and use each letter in the word community to write out words describing a healthy community's attributes. Ex. C- Caring....O...Openness...)

Many years ago, while attending church, I found that while listening to the preacher, my mind was filled with negative thoughts, criticism, and disappointments because of what I knew and had experienced in that church. Even though I sincerely believe that the Spirit of God can use any vessel to proclaim God's Word, I have had numerous occasions where the vessel was getting in the way of hearing what the Spirit was proclaiming. I found myself in sin. My focus wasn't on God but on a person's transgressions, what I knew, and my experiences in that church. At the end of those services, I had to repent for having a critical spirit, even if it was justifiable. I had to repent for the idolatry of having my eyes on the transgressions and on the unhealthy areas of that church rather than on God during worship. Sometimes I dreaded attending church, but I didn't want to leave my church. So, I had to approach my Sunday mornings differently. In my prayer time, I discovered that God had allowed me to know the unhealthy areas in the church, but He didn't allow me to know them to be critical; He needed someone to stand in the gap. I could pray specifically about what I had experienced and knew. So I began to intercede on behalf of my church on Sunday mornings. I was no longer distracted by thoughts of criticism; I was asking God to intervene, which He did in so many ways! If you are in a church where you are discouraged and frustrated by what you know or have experienced but are not ready to leave your church, I encourage you to be a watchman or watchwoman on the wall. God's house is a house of prayer (Matthew 21:13), be the intercessor and watch God change you and that church. He is able! So, the next time you go to church, show up as one who is on an assignment, let your act of worship be to intercede on behalf of the sheep. Ask God to protect the sheep from the wolves that are lurking, to lead the sheep to streams of living water, to restore their souls, including yours, and watch God change things.

This is written by: Alice Fryling (see more about her below). I received this article my first year of seminary. It is a real treasure of a read. No really is a complete sentence and sometimes the most spiritual thing you can say. Photo: Photo by cottonbro: https://www.pexels.com/photo/brown-paper-with-handwritten-text-3826681/ If I were a prophet, in the Old Testament tradition, I would put on my long robes, gather a crowd, and call out, “God says ‘No!’” I would lean over and point my finger at the distraught pastor who cannot bear the burdens of her congregation, and I would say, “Let’s go.” I would look at the harried mother hurrying from the office to the day care center to a PTA meeting, and I would say, “Don’t go!” And I would grab the tired executive who was all week on a trip, came home to kiss the children, and is now on his way to the church baseball league, and I would put my face close to his and say, “Slow down!” Indeed, there are prophets in our day who are saying just that. Richard Foster in Freedom of Simplicity calls Christians to a life of simply doing what God wants, rather than being pushed and pulled by inward and outward demands. He quotes Thomas Kelly, “We have seen and known some people who seem to have found (a) deep center of Living, where the fretful calls of life are integrated, where no, as well as yes, can be said with confidence.” Foster describes that confidence as simplicity. It could also be a more difficult act of obedience than saying yes. When I say no to a good idea for the sake of a better idea or activity, I am acknowledging that I am a creature rather than a creator. I cannot do everything that comes before me. Even good ideas, if they are not the will of God for me, can become the vehicles of pride, sin, fatigue, and depression. Rather than take responsibility for these symptoms of imbalance, we often blame God for our busy lives. How many times have we heard, “Oh, I am just so busy (doing good deeds, Christian services, and fulfilling spiritual obligations).” I suspect that our busyness stems from complications we have brought into our lives (our homes, social and political clubs, gardens, even some employment). But even if we could prove our busyness is only doing “God’s work,” it is blasphemous to imply that our loving Father wants us to do more than He has equipped us to do. Common to the lifestyles is a “bless-this-mess” syndrome. It goes like this. I see a need. Or I have an idea. Or someone taps me for a project. Without carefully evaluating the request for my time, I say yes because I like to help people, I like to be creative, and I don’t like to let people down. Then when the going gets rough, I ask God to bless me anyhow. “Please help me to make it. Take care of my health, my family, even my prayer life so I can make it through this crisis.” In other words, “Please, Lord, bless this mess.” Everyone gets into predicaments like that occasionally. But when one crisis bumps into another, we need to stop and see what God wants for us. How can I hear the still small voice of God when I don’t even have time to pray? How can the breeze of the Holy Spirit sweep into my life when I am stirring up endless dust storms on my own? Frequently these predicaments arise because we fail to acknowledge that in saying yes to one activity, we are pre-forced to say no to another. We simply cannot do two things at once. This is clear in Paul’s famous “Macedonian call” (Acts 16:6-10), which has been used at hundreds of missionary conferences to spur people on to service. While I would never discourage someone from following a true Macedonian call, it is interesting to note that twice Paul was told to say no, before he was told to go. “The Holy Spirit forbade him” to speak the word in Asia, and then “did not allow” them to go into Bithynia. If Paul had not said no to Asia and Bithynia, he might never have ended up in Macedonia. By saying yes to Macedonia, he was saying no to anywhere else at the time. This may sound like simple mathematics. But consider the subtlety of one practical example. If I say yes to leading a Bible study, that study may take an hour to prepare and an hour to present. And if I want to befriend the people in the study, it may take another two to three hours to present. I may be very eager to do this, but if I do a good job, there will also be an emotional and spiritual drain, so that another hour or two of restoration is involved. So, my Bible study is from 9-10a.m. once a week means that I must say no to at least six hours worth of other activities. Many of us will say yes to leading such Bible studies. But if we do, we may need to say no to other things—building the addition on our house, enlarging our garden, or even advancing at work. Or, we may decide we need to say no to the Bible study in order to give our time to something else. The issue is not just whether we want to do something or whether we are gifted to do it. While these things are important, the primary issue is whether or not it is God’s will for us at the time.Does this sound obvious? It is only so on paper. In order to say no to something we want to do, we almost always have to let go of something we value. Peter, in Acts 10, went through a reorientation of values when God told him to go meet Cornelius, a Gentile. Peter said, “No, Lord, I have never….” When God tells us to slow down, we might say, “No, Lord, I have never turned down on a call to serve. I have always been a busy person. I believe God is telling some of us that we need to let go of the value we place on service, availability and busyness, and take up the value God places on quietness, trust and peace. Recently, I have had to let go of the high value I place on being available to friends. I do not love my friends any less, but when I try to befriend too many people at once, I find I don’t have the physical and emotional capacity I need. If I will not give up part of what I value, I end up giving up something I value even more. I become so enervated that I have little to offer any friends, my husband, my children or my Lord. This “giving-up” is a very painful process. It is a dying to myself. I really feel good saying yes to requests for my time and talent. But that immediate reward soon tarnishes if I am expending my energies on things God has not called me to do. Our unwillingness to say no may be a modern form of idolatry. We enthrone our own desires, our pride, and the lure of appearing busy. It may be that we still feel that we must prove ourselves to God by doing good works. Perhaps it is just too painful to sit down alone and face our limitations. We need to be ruthless if we find ourselves always too busy, too tired, or too discouraged. In the name of the Christian witness or service, we may have abdicated our responsibility to consider what opportunities are God’s will for us, and what ones pull us away from higher priorities. The author of Hebrews spoke strongly to those who fail to enter the rest of God. “For the good news came to them: but the message which they heard did not benefit them, because it did not meet with faith in the hearer” (Heb. 4:2). The good news God gives us about our lifestyle is that “in returning and rest you shall be saved; and in quietness and in trust shall be your strength” (Is. 30:15). “It is in vain that you rise up early, to go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved in sleep” (Ps. 127:2). “God is not a God of confusion but of peace” (I Cor. 14:33). If we fail to experience peace, order and quiet in our lives, it is our fault, not God’s. A life of peace and simplicity is not a life of leisure and self-gratification. If that is our goal, we “ask wrongly, to spend it on our own passions” (Jas. 4:3). If we find leisure and gratification in our lives, they are gifts from our loving Father, to refresh us and enable us to fulfill His calling. It is clear in Ephesians that God has good works planned for each of us to do. In our busy, complex culture, we need to pray for the courage to do only those good works. It takes courage to be simple. Sometimes, it is embarrassing because we misunderstood. Always it takes the glory away from ourselves and gives it to the Father. Discerning between what is the will of God and what is not is the critical issue. Much has been written about how to know the will of God. Perhaps something should be said about how to know what the will of God is not. I would like to suggest five symptoms of the lifestyle, which may mean that the will of God is not being done. (1) If your inner life is seldom joyful, seldom peaceful, seldom ordered, then you are not living in accordance with Scripture. (2) Your children, those who look to you for emotional and spiritual support are frequently lonely, discourage or disappointed, it may be that you are not available to be used by God in their lives. (3) If, as you consider an activity, you feel overwhelmed emotionally or experience physical signs of stress (stomach tightening, extreme fatigue, headaches), you need to STOP and ask God quietly if this is His will for you. Not all that God wants us to do is easy, but we are taught to test the spirits (I John 4:1), and it may be that God will use physical and emotional signs to indicate a false spirit prompting us to do something. (4) If you are too busy to pray about an activity, you are too busy. (5) If you are too busy to handle an occasional interruption or emergency, you are too busy. Have you ever wondered why prison interrupted Paul’s ministry? Perhaps God used it to slow down Paul so that he would write letters to the churches. “A man’s mind plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps” (Prov. 16:9). If your schedule is so tight you cannot meet the unexpected with confidence, then you are too busy. Crisis, stomach pains and unhappy… the best ways to learn God’s will. I find that virtually every day of my life there is more to do than time to do it. Not everyone is like that, but for those of us who are, we need to figure out how to choose between what is God’s will for us and what is not. One day I made a list of my expectations for a given week. Then I listed the numbers of hours I had at my disposal. My expectations exceeded reality by almost ten hours! That means that I was expecting to do ten hours of activities which were not God’s will for me. What a sobering, painful conclusion. But what freedom it brought to come to the Lord and say, “What is it that you don’t want me to do?” It is God’s gift to us to be able to work hard, every day, in His service, and not live with a sense of unfulfilled expectations. One of the reasons we have so much difficulty experiencing this gift is that we have taught ourselves to live in crisis. A crisis may motivate us to action more than a desire to please God. How much better to come to Him freely, and frequently, motivated by a desire to do His will rather than survive a crisis. In this regard, I know of no adequate substitute for the daily quiet time. Because of my tendency to want to do more than I can, I desperately need to be confronted with God’s thought in Scripture each day, and to be very quiet before Him as I sort out His will. If my days seem to be more than I can bear, I dare not leave my devotions until there is a sense of order and peace. Perhaps I need to go through the pain of giving up an outdated value, a selfish desire, or a pressure I feel from some source other than God. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in my heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matt.11: 28-29). May God give us the grace to willingly live with the yoke we have acknowledged, to find rest, to find simplicity, to find His will only for our lives. Alice Fryling, former Intervarsity staff worker in Maryland and the Boston Area, counsels and speaks to married couples with her husband Robert, Intervarsity’s Director of Human Services and Strategic Planning. Their new book, Handbook for Married Couples, will be released in August through Intervarsity Press. Copies from HIS magazine.

This is one of my greatest ah-ha moments. I lived most of my life trying to “balance” being a wife, mother, minister etc., and I never felt that it was achievable. I always felt like having a balanced life was an uphill battle that I could never win. And I discovered that I was right when I read the book, The ONE Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. I was set free from the bondage of trying to have a balanced life when I read the following words written by the authors, “If you think of balance as the middle, then out of balance is when you’re away from it. Get too far away from the middle and you’re living at the extremes. The problem with living in the middle is that it prevents you from making extraordinary time commitments to anything. In your effort to attend to all things, everything gets shortchanged, and nothing gets its due. Sometimes this can be okay and sometimes not. Knowing when to pursue the middle and when to pursue the extremes is in essence the true beginning of wisdom. Extraordinary results are achieved by this negotiation with your time.” Did you just do an exhale when you read the words, “knowing when to pursue the middle and when to pursue the extremes is in essence the true beginning of wisdom”? The writers go on to say that “the magic”, I would say the “flow” happens at the extremes, not in the middle therefore we should replace the word balance with “counterbalance”, because when we have been running down the rabbit hole of trying to live a balanced life what we were really doing was trying to prioritize. However, you cannot prioritize and be balanced at the same time, because to prioritize one thing, another “priority” will have to wait, or be left undone. Keller and Papasan also say that “Leaving some things undone is a necessary tradeoff for extraordinary results”. Those words set me free! The balanced life is a lie. Trying to balance anything is a lie. Even Jesus says, “no one can serve two masters, you will love one and hate the other.” (Matthew 6:24). Yes, I know that contextually he was talking about money, however the principle transfers to this idea of a balanced life. To attempt to have a balanced life is like having two masters therefore when we counterbalance, we are better able to master our time and our priorities. They use the ballerina as the perfect example. When a ballerina is on her toes, she is not balancing on both toes, that’s an illusion, what she is doing is counterbalancing they describe it this way, “When the ballerina poses en pointe, she can appear weightless, floating on air, the very idea of balance and grace. A closer look would reveal her toe shoes vibrating rapidly, making minute adjustments for balance. Counterbalancing done well gives the illusion of balance.” So, when you see someone who appears to be balancing all their responsibilities well, what you are really seeing is a person who knows how to counterbalance well. I will conclude this blog with these words from the authors, “Leaving some things undone is a necessary tradeoff for extraordinary results." "But you can’t leave everything undone, and that’s where counterbalancing comes in. The idea of counterbalancing is that you never go so far that you can’t find your way back or stay so long that there is nothing waiting for you when you return.” Stop trying to live the balanced life and start living the counterbalanced life in doing so, you will experience the weightlessness and the grace of mastering one priority at a time. Sidenote: If you look closely in the picture above you will see the ballerina's front toe is not touching the floor, however it doesn't appear that way at first glance. That's counterbalancing done well. All quotes are taken from: Keller, Gary; Keller, Gary; Papasan, Jay; Papasan, Jay. The ONE Thing (p. 74- 80). Bard Press. Kindle Edition.