There’s a particular kind of message that many of us have received—wrapped in Christian language, sprinkled with scripture, and stamped with “love.” But when you peel back the layers, it’s not about love at all.
Recently, I received a message from someone who called me Sister in Christ—but instead of speaking in love, she spoke in judgment. She questioned my decision, warned me that “God is watching,” and implied that I was in the wrong—not because I had sinned, but because I dared to seek justice. And in that moment, I realized something:
her condemnation was actually confirmation.
When Toxic Culture Speaks for Itself
Toxic churches and toxic leadership harm people, often in ways they don’t even recognize. When someone defends the institution at the expense of the person harmed, they reveal just how deep the influence of spiritual manipulation runs.
She thought she was correcting me. She thought she was speaking on behalf of righteousness. She thought she was calling me back to God.
But all she did was prove why accountability is necessary.
The very system she defended had shaped her response—taught her to rebuke instead of listen, to shame instead of support, and to prioritize “the church” over the people who have been harmed by it.
She was blind to the harm she was causing. Just as she had been conditioned to protect the institution at all costs, she didn’t realize that she had become an extension of the same harm that has wounded so many others.
But God is a God who opens blinded eyes:
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them. I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." (Isaiah 42:16)
I cannot force her to see. I cannot make her understand. But I know that God is the One who leads the blind out of darkness. And if she is willing, He will do the same for her.
What a Real Sister in Christ Would Have Done
A real sister in Christ would have led with love, not condemnation.
Instead of assuming, she would have asked. Instead of judging, she would have listened. Instead of condemning, she would have encouraged.
A real sister in Christ would have said:
“I may not understand everything, but I trust that you are seeking God’s wisdom in your decision.”
“If you ever want to talk, I’m here to listen, not to judge.”
“How can I pray for you in this season?”
Because real love looks like this:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)
If love is patient and kind, why do so many rush to condemn instead of understand? If love does not dishonor others, why do they use it as a tool for shame? If love is not self-seeking, why does it often sound more like control than care?
What I received wasn’t love—it was manipulation disguised as concern. And the more I see it, the more I realize that true love doesn’t come wrapped in condemnation.
Justice Works Both Ways
If a church hires a contractor and they pay that contractor thousands of dollars to do a job and that contractor runs away with their money, there is no doubt in my mind that, that church would contact a lawyer and seek justice. They wouldn’t hesitate to call the police. They wouldn’t be preaching about grace—they’d be seeking justice and accountability.
So why is it that when the church does wrong, suddenly justice is called “unbiblical”? Suddenly, people like me are accused of hurting the body of Christ simply because we refuse to stay silent.
The truth is, justice works both ways.
If the church can use the legal system to protect itself, then it cannot hide behind scripture to escape accountability when it is in the wrong.
“Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.” (Ephesians 5:11)
The Bible doesn’t tell us to protect corruption—it tells us to bring it into the light.
My Sister, I Release You
A true sister in Christ doesn’t come with judgment, control, or shame. She comes with humility, c
are, and a heart that listens before it lectures.
To every person who has been on the receiving end of one of these messages—I see you.
You are not wrong for standing up for truth.
You are not divisive for calling out harm.
You are not obligated to stay in spaces that do not honor you.
To the ones who sent the messages, I say: I release you. I will not carry the weight of your words. I will not live under your guilt. I will not let your opinion shape my obedience to God.
Go in peace.
Because I will walk in mine.